Oscars-- 2007

Abhay · Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 6037

On the TV is an infographic saying that if Leonardo Dicaprio weren't a movie star, he thinks he'd be a biologist or an environmentalist. *I* think he'd be a bartender. At Star Shoes.

Ugh-- Nicole Kidman's dress is awful. She's not doing herself any favors standing next to Naomi Watts. Kidman won an Oscar, right? and was never heard from again? she looks like mall candy-- you know the candy in the bins that you wonder who eats that candy, and how long it's been there? she's dressed like that. only i like candy.

Jennifer Hudson's dressed to battle Flash Gordon. That's good-- I was worried. FLASH.... aaaah-- saviour of the universe!!!

I hope the costume designer for Devil Wears Prada wins because her hair will terrify all the small children at home. Them and their little dogs too! That and you know, cause that movie probably should win that category... but wow-- that hair!

Anne Hathaway, incidentally? Easy on the eyes. I'll go out on the limb and say that.
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Abhay · Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 6037

Best Acting nominee Will Smith-- they're not even saying it with any irony. Noone's doing air quotes? come on.

I wish I'd seen Half Nelson. That had a pretty cool premise.

And it's time to enjoy a beer...

okay, the show's started-- i don't know what's going on, but this is the biggest budget Apple commercial I've ever seen. Everybody in Khakis! Peter O'Toole will suck your blood for 99 cents! what movies would be like without writers...
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Abhay · Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 6037

Ellen Degeneres?

Steve Carrell gets the only laugh out of this monologue from me.

Ellen? Part of me roots for Ellen on account of all the crap she took, but still...? and she's a morning talk show person, which...

now they're applauding blacks, jews and gays...?

yuck to the choir...

Oh good, best art direction-- just what the tv audience cares the most about. and the guy makes the first pun of the night! ugh.

I love the part of the night where they get some hot actress to talk about how they had to put up with nerds for a night. NERDS!! HAHA, NERDS AND THERE'S GIRL. HUMOR!!! why do they have that part every year?
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Abhay · Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 6037

Why did they just have tumblers? Why are there people doing sumersaults? Oh my god, this is the slowest Oscars ever! I hope they have someone do spoons later.

Haha-- I liked the song by Ferrel et al., though Jack Black isn't funny to me anymore. but the funnier part was when Ferrel finally stopped and went "here's the award for best makeup."

a cartoon noone will ever see ever wins best animated short.

Say what you want about Will Smith's kid... but still: Smarter and more talented than the old man, at least.
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Abhay · Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 6037

Best short film guy gives the first decent speech of the night. The moral of the story? Don't give awards to people who work with Guillermo Del Toro because they just say shit like "Where are you Guillermo? I can't see you. Point to yourself so I can maybe see you and-- Guillermo!!! GUILLERMO!!"

did the guy from the Police Academy movies die? What the fuck? What happened to Michael Winslow?? BEATBOX! I DEMAND HUMAN BEATBOX!

Man, ratings for this show are going to be nonexistent. they're going to blame Ellen and they should cause she sucks and can't tell Hispanic people apart, but this is just crappy.

Jessica Biel got her dress from Merry Go Round. is that the name of the store? I don't know. she looks plain, but i never got the big deal there. pretty but bland.

I love when someone says "There's no way I'm going to be able to do this by memory" when they pull out a sheet of paper. Really? There's no way to REMEMBER THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE...? or just to say something nice and walk away without boring people? sure... yes! play him off!!!
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Abhay · Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 6037

Haha-- I love whoever wrote these nominee things-- "Alan Arkin. Acting legend. Djimon Honsou-- amazing past. Mark Wahlberg-- huge scumbag when he was a teenager, before he was Marky Mark. HUGE scumbag, America. mark that down in an email to your mom."

I hope Eddie Murphy doesn't win. He'd try to fuck some tranny hooker with the Oscar. That guy's ego doesn't need the help of an Academy Award. Or he'd put out another music album. bad things would ensue. BAD THINGS. Big Momma's House 3. Was he in the other 2? Might as well have been.

Haha, Arkin-- pause it and you can see Murphy and Honsou both simultaneously decide to beat their girlfriends when they get home. OOOH, man, that's an evil look in Murphy's eyes. I'd hate to be on the receiving end of that... or one of Eddie Murphy's movies for that matter... Norbit-- I'd hate to be on the receiving end of Norbit.
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Abhay · Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 6037

Oh, poor Wahlberg-- they try to talk to him seconds after losing? That's horrible. He's so punchdrunk-- he's babbling about a toothbrush. That's just cruelty.

scorcese bit's funny...

MORE TUMBLING. well, america does love its interpretive dance, after all.

Boring songs-- boring songs-- boring songs and...

Oh, Al Gore. What do you even think when you look at that guy anymore? There's just such a big What If that's always going to hang over that guy like a damn Scooby Doo ghost. cute bit but...

it's been a couple hours without a single Jack Nicholson joke-- that's got to be a record. maybe everyone thinks he's Michael Chiklis...?

Cameron DIaz with brown hair-- it's like she's trying to be taken seriously or something. you know what'd help me take Cameron Diaz seriously? If she maybe cut down on the prodigious quantities of coke and ate a sandwich. EAT SOMETHING.

GEORGE MILLER!! YEEAAAAH. I don't care about whatever movie they're giving him an award for-- that's the award they should've given him for the ROAD WARRIOR!

what writer wouldn't want an award from Oscar-winning screenwriter Ben Affleck?

that writing montage forgot Her Alibi.

Infernal Affairs is apparently a Japanese movie now...

Not a great Oscars in terms of telling the brown people from one another.
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dave press · Joined: 16 Oct 2006 Posts: 851 Location: NYC

Jeez, Robert Downey Jr is great casting for Tony Stark. He looks just like him.

LOVED the bit with Al Gore.

Ivan Brandon · Joined: 31 Oct 2006 Posts: 4393

the bar most frequented this weekend for the con... it's a sports bar, not a great bar... it's one marvel tends to throw things at... it's the place last year where all those crazy pictures came from on sunday... me on esad ribic's back, etc...

anyway, we headed there tonight after the show and dinner, figured we'd peek in and wind down. typical irish pub/sportsbar layout, where there are half a dozen huge tv's surrounding the room, blaring football, etc...

last night it was soccer. goal scored/impeded and people go nuts cheering.

TONIGHT THEY WERE SHOWING THE OSCARS. at a sports bar. packed full of people with little sheets of paper with god knows what on them, cheering.

best makeup, they cheer. IN AN IRISH SPORTS BAR IN HELL'S KITCHEN.

it was the most perverse thing i've ever seen.
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Abhay · Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 6037

The Eastwood thing was the funniest thing all night, I think.

HOLY SHIT-- children of men lost best cinematography. holy crap-- that's RIDICULOUS. what a joke...

i got a feeling scorcese's going to lose-- that's why I'm watching... not that I WANT to see him lose but just... i don't know-- morbid interest.
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Abhay · Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 6037

WOW-- pan's labyrinth loses?! a lot of Oscar pools just got thrown into chaos...

...

...did the Oscars just honor Snakes on a Plane???

Jennifer Hudson forgot to thank her agent and entertainment lawyer. Mistake! Say hello to Mercedes Ruehl and that one girl from My Cousin Vinny on Celebrity Poker Invasion, when you get there!!
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dave press · Joined: 16 Oct 2006 Posts: 851 Location: NYC

AL GORE=FUCK.

Ivan Brandon · Joined: 31 Oct 2006 Posts: 4393

why do they cut to larry david for al gore's thing? they held that a long time.
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Abhay · Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 6037

Man, what happened to people yelling crazy political shit at Oscars? You know who's fault it is the speeches are so boring?

Fiona Apple.

Remember that year she won some bullshit award and got up and gave a crazy speech telling people to be themselves or something...? That was the night her career was over. Between that and Michael Moore, I guess people just are too scared to say anything crazy anymore.

the guy who made Inconvenient Truth thanking his wife...

...

..
.

did Clint Eastwood just say Red Sonja?

... mind blown now.
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Abhay · Joined: 25 Mar 2005 Posts: 6037